New School Year, Same School Refusal

Finding the best wording when your child refuses to get up at 7 am can feel exhausting and meaningless. The stress of running late and knowing how this scenario has played out before leads to feelings of frustration, followed by yelling. You now have a child who has shut down, adding additional distress to your morning.

Switching out our words and phrasing can make a huge difference. Whether you need a second or a few minutes, remain intentional with your words. We are not working to blame or punish children for feeling anxious. We are acknowledging their behavioral choice to refuse to go to school. Setting and maintaining healthy limits for your child in the morning isn’t punishing them for feeling anxious or depressed. Instead, you are setting the expectation that going to school is a requirement and you are here to support.

Here are a couple of examples to try when children are refusing:

Child’s Refusal Reason: School makes them unhappy, and they can’t go because they hate being there.

Parent’s Reaction: Use this opportunity to remind them of past positive experiences at school, while encouraging them to share the reason they’re unhappy. You aren’t in charge of fixing or resolving this issue right away. Hearing them at this moment reminds your child you’re there to support and not fight. Working with your child to identify supports they can have in place upon arriving at school, such as checking in with their favorite teacher, can help them start the day off on a positive note.

Child’s Refusal Reason: They feel nauseous and unable to get out of bed.

Parent’s Reaction: As with any symptoms, make sure to address the health concerns first. You may have pre-established symptom requirements, such as a fever, or consult with a medical professional. This lets your child know you take their health seriously, while also ruling out anything concerning. From there, move forward with the expectation they will go to school while providing any support they need to manage their symptoms, such as Gatorade to ease their stomach.

Identifying your “script” for these moments allows you to maintain expectations. While each approach should be tailored to your child, remembering to remain consistent with your responses is key.